But We Went Out For Lunch!
- Alex Jayjock, CPSM
- Jun 2
- 2 min read
The real definition of a relationship
Few things make marketers cringe more than hearing, “We have a relationship!” in the same breath as “I met with him just last year.” In the AEC world, this is often the rationale behind a Go/No-Go decision or the excuse for delaying outreach. The problem? It gives us a false sense of progress—and worse, a false sense of security.
In today’s competitive environment, a real relationship is not a bonus—it’s a requirement. Yes, your firm’s track record matters (a lot), but assuming that one lunch or a single email exchange means you're "in" is a dangerous shortcut. Clients awarding high-stakes projects—especially in sectors like healthcare or higher education—aren’t choosing partners based on social calendars. They’re betting on trust.
Let’s Redefine ‘Relationship’ When we say "relationship," what we should really mean is trust. Not shared happy hours. Not small talk over cocktails. Not a killer round of golf. Trust. The kind built over time through intentional, consistent, meaningful interactions.
What a Relationship Isn’t:
A once-a-year lunch
A LinkedIn connection
A business card in your drawer
A memory of running into them at a conference two years ago
What a Relationship Is:
A mutual understanding of goals, challenges, and values
A shared track record of reliability and follow-through
The ability to speak honestly and listen intently
A sense of professional respect and dependability
Trust Isn’t Built Overnight The greatest barrier to real relationships? Time. True trust isn’t built through quick wins or one-off meetings. It takes:
Patience: Allowing the relationship to grow before you push for work
Persistence: Staying in touch regularly—but meaningfully
Preparation: Knowing their business well enough to offer tailored insights
Value: Bringing something to the table every time you show up
Stay Relevant, Not Redundant Being persistent doesn't mean being annoying. You don’t need to deliver groundbreaking insights in every conversation—but you do need to bring relevance. A recent project, a market trend, a quick check-in tied to something they care about. Your client doesn’t need another inbox filler—they need a partner who “gets it.”
And Yes, Lunch Still Matters We’re human. And we like being around people we enjoy. Relationship-building moments like lunch or a ballgame absolutely matter—but only when they’re layered on top of real engagement. If trust is already established, these moments reinforce it. If it isn’t, they’re just noise.
The Takeaway Stop checking boxes. Start building trust. Relationships aren’t about showing up once—they’re about showing up consistently, bringing value, listening well, and following through. If you want to be the first call when a new project drops, start by being the trusted voice when there isn’t one.
